


I Know

by TheAnimeNerd17



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst and Feels, Death, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Poetry, Regret, Romance, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-21
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-10-22 00:12:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10685775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAnimeNerd17/pseuds/TheAnimeNerd17
Summary: A poem by Levi about his feelings for Eren.  Written for a prompt for National Poetry Month.*posted under TheAnimeNerd17 on Wattpad*





	I Know

As I hold your cold hand in mine, I remember.

The good times,

The bad times,

And all the times between,

And I realize my biggest regret.

 

I always told you I had no regrets,

But you were my biggest one.

 

I never held you close enough or kissed you hard enough.

My words were cruel and my heart cold,

But still you carried on loving me.

 

You were like a lost puppy,

Trailing at my heels.

I never took you seriously.  I was your superior, and you were my inferior.

I looked down on you, you bright-eyed little kid,

Until I realized you had grown up.

 

You were an adult in a flash, capable of caring for yourself,

And I could only watch as you flourished.

I was old and dead inside, but you made me feel young.

 

Until you confessed how you felt for me.

 

I refused to believe it, so I did what I always did.

I made you train harder,

I beat you up harder,

I made it so you would forever be exhausted.

 

I underestimated your strength once again.

 

That night you came into my room and showed me.

You were serious,

And I was a fool for not believing you.

 

Your love consumed me and for the first time in forever,

The ice in my chest thawed enough to let you in.

I loved you back with all my shriveled heart.

 

But that moment is not the regret I have.

 

No, I regret all the times after,

When you were my lover.

You did not want to hide our affections, but I was a coward.

 

You never were one to be afraid, were you?

 

I feared my position being taken from me,

I had worked from the ground up to receive it, you see,

And I feared yours as well.

While I would be in trouble, you would be exiled.

 

Does it make it right if I say I did it in the name of love?

 

You wanted so much, and I wanted to give it to you.

I would have given the moon if you had asked.

But I had a terrible way of showing my love for you.

 

Many times, my harsh words would make tears well in your beautiful eyes,

And my cold shoulder blocked you out.

On those days, I wished for death, because I did not deserve your forgiveness.

 

I tried to make amends in the only way I knew.

I am not good with words.

So I made sure to show you.

I made love to you each night,

I kissed you softly, deeply, and hard all at once,

I poured my soul out to you between the sheets and under the stars

And you knew.  You knew that was my way of saying those three little words.

It sparkled in your eyes that you knew what my lips did not say.

 

God, you were perfect.  You never pushed me to say it,

Yet you said them every day.

But you knew those words could never encompass our true feelings.

That’s why you were perfect.

 

I should have said them this morning before we left,

We knew this mission could be our last,

All of them could have been.

But you had so much faith.

 

I still did not say it.

 

When disaster struck, you smiled at me as you died in my arms.

I sobbed for you, the first time in years tears had graced my eyes.

Only you were worthy of my tears.

My voice cracked when I said it,

“I love you so much.”

But I cannot know if you heard me.

 

Did you?  Did you hear me?  I hope you did…

 

So until I see you on the other side, I will regret

For the first time in my life, I will.

But I will fight to make you proud, to be worthy of you.

 

I feel you in my heart.

 

Our room still smells like you.

 

I can almost hear your voice in my ear whispering,

  
  
_ “I know.  I love you too.” _


End file.
